Who Do You Think You Are?

Someone asked me that question in a very degrading manner fourteen years ago.

My colleague and I were asked to pitch in person a proposal for funding at a global philanthropic organization. My field of expertise is global health systems and I am faculty at a university. My colleague and I had identified global health system’s need area. We had practiced our pitch repeatedly. We were ready.

We entered a large meeting room where sat many other people from various disciplines and organizations who had been invited to make their pitch. When our turn came, my colleague did his section of our pitch and I did my part, giving it all I had. Afterward, the convener informed the group that it was time for the morning tea break.

In the hall, I poured my tea. When I turned back toward the meeting room, a person from another organization who had come to pitch his proposal came straight to me and looked at me condescendingly.

“Who do you think you are?” he asked, and when I did not respond he repeated it to me a second time, venomously. I had never met him before. I knew this not to be a question. It was a statement, aimed to tell me in no uncertain terms that I do not belong there; that my ideas and vision do not matter. He wanted to silence me.

I looked at him politely and asked him to please excuse me as I plan to go back to the meeting room. I went in sat down and told myself to concentrate on my work. I continued to make my case for funding to the best of my ability. A few weeks later, our proposal was funded and over the ensuing year, we conducted a groundbreaking research.

But this man who I had never met wasn’t forgotten. His question — his statement — lingers in my mind fourteen years later. I did not answer him because I was shy or intimidated. No, not at all. It wasn’t because a summation of “who I know that I am” would have taken me more than the few minutes of tea break, either.

I have felt that same question posed silently to me from time to time, through eyes across a conference table. There are some who only see my skin color, hear my accented English, or consider my gender and surmise that I do not deserve a seat at certain tables. I should not need to explain who I think I am, but it seems I must. Not in hopes of personal satisfaction, but in the hope that I may inspire some little girl or young woman when she reads this piece.

So who do I think I am?

A woman who does not wait to be invited to the table to initiate positive changes. A woman who works to make a difference not seeking the limelight, but behind the scenes.

A woman who has not forgotten that she is a human being and knows each person she comes across in life is also a human being — not a nameless member of some siloed category of people.

A woman who came from a lineage of a family who does not know the phrase “I quit,” whose muscles for getting up when tossed down have been trained through years of practice.

A woman who possesses a rare resource right now-kindness- and one who is determined to share it liberally with others, irrespective of who they are.

A woman who can think for herself, who does not need crowds’ approval to make up her mind.

A woman who is not afraid to stand-alone for something she believes in and who can swim like a salmon against the current when the need arises.

A woman whose resolve for change gets multiplied when told the difficulties of battling a status quo that needs to be addressed.

A woman who has been through various Hells since childhood and by God’s grace has been given the ability to use the lessons so learned for the good of others.

A woman who is gifted with a bright mind, who likes to ask critical questions, and who spends the necessary effort to understand the answers as well as the best practices.

A woman who can reach across various stakeholders to bring a shared difference to communities in need.

A woman who passionately works to bring a person out of poverty one person at a time- through systemic educational improvement. Nelson Mandela stated it best for me, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

A woman who has multiplied herself many times over by dedicating her life to planting seeds of knowledge, perseverance, and pride in many other girls’ and women’s lives and who is awed by the fruit-bearing trees those seeds have grown into.

A woman who is a diamond in the making for after all a diamond is nothing but coal that has gone through years of heat and pressure.

Who am I? I am a woman who knows she is not alone, but knows there is a God who will help me do even greater deeds.

How can I tell all this to a person who demands an answer during a ten-minute tea break, or to one across a conference room table who asks silently through their eyes? The paths that I have traveled upon on this Earth contain my stories and I share the lessons I have learned as I travel them one at a time.

To all that wonder, I am a human being who gets invited to the table from time to time. Those who invite me to help make a difference appreciate my resume. They benefit even more from wisdom gained from my lived experiences.